Speck in blue

It is marvelous how we change! 

After you quit, I could not bear 
the enormity of your absence
beside me as I slept.
Your not-body roared 
with fever scorching skin
I could have fried an egg 
on your empty pillow. 
Opposite me your not-body 
took so much space, spread
like a flayed fish stinking
to the highest heavens.
Grabbed by your not-body the blankets 
left me folded in on myself, 
small shivers never enough 
to keep me warm or protected 
as your not-body flailed 
through the night madly 
your not-arms into my face, stunning
even the brightest of moons. 

Eventually,
though I felt my decisiveness cruel
I evicted your not-body. 
That ghost slipped out 
through a crack in the window
and through the front door a parade 
of all my belongings
re-announced their preciousness,
stomping and hollering and beating
like a living heart.
I filled this house 

with the lush design of my dreams. 
And I did dream! 
And I did wake from those dreams,
resuscitated by the paradox
of your not-body and my body
existing in a future I could squint at,
like a ferry on the horizon
a speck in blue
coming home.