Inherited

I could have used

A dress rehearsal for your funeral.

I was so unprepared for

The elegance

And the moments where

We were supposed to speak together

To close your earthly chapter.

I missed cues.

I took communion, clearly unbaptized,

Stumbled and turned.

Father Dion had to tell me 

To return to my seat.

Funny to consider the fumbling

But I wish I could 

Have marched with the

Sureness you may have wanted.

Why wouldn’t your exit, 

Ashen, confusing,

Merit the slow, ancient,

Robed, and songed ritual

Of the solemn church.

You had worlds unto yourself

That you did not share.

After the funeral

I shoplifted nail polish

And then later while I lay in 

The princess bed in the study

Mom told me what 

Your dad did to you

When you were a toddler

-I am cold and anxious-

I googled the definition 

Of sodomized

Just to be sure.