DEVIL’S ADVOCACY/ INVENTORY

your hair made it into my dream
proud pale mullet like that comedian
but also you came to me in a precious way
with a confession i had planned for
planning makes it sound cold
but it wasn't manifesting 
more the whole thought coming at me like a wish
as i stepped across a puddle, what if love 
is just a bouquet passed around
the first person who loved me madly
was actually mad at me all of the time
he gave me dried black roses in the U village parking lot
back when there was a fake diner there
when i moved to New York i couldn't believe  
all the sites of my romantic mind were true
diners and farm houses and the city
shining like a bowl of wet black currants
i don’t like degrading Seattle this way but always do
some days the place is my enemy 
and i just can’t forgive the same colored street and sky
all i need is to drive to the water where the dark 
means something, but can’t it mean something 
right outside my door? to get to the door i trespass
through a bright  hall and up some stairs to arrive ground level, 
my landlord Bill is walking across the lawn from his ADU 
where he WsFH using a wifi  network called Batcave
the networks they let me use are variations on Gibson,
who is Gibson granted this position of giving me 
access to everything all day from my not-bat’s cave
Aslan who is the best friend of the the now dead first person 
who loved me madly is a bat, I am a butterfly (at least to bats)
Marion is also a bat curled up at the party in her Elsa dress 
i’m a batttt she croaks after eating all the chocolate bark 
and wrestling in her brother’s crib, the slide guitar player I tried 
to have a crush on was also there in my dream,
singing on a pool table (and i know why) i went on instagram
(i said i wouldn't) and there it was his birthday, he was being celebrated 
by all the worlds across the world who love him, the limelight and the
dive bar and the morning surf, is it kosher to scratch pages and just
write a poem I cannot see? detox enough, so I may be kind  through the day,
not endanger others with my scaffolding as it loosens and falls?
yes it’s a liability to be alive, but everyone has that, not just you – 
Andrea would tell me to anoint my hands with the thick golden cream,
knees and elbows too if you really mean it, i’m noticing my left arm needs 
to reach, something is trapped in that pocket that never breathes, 
in my dream there was some danger too, is it because i don’t like the book i’m reading,
i am a paper doll, i bought pants too small, the high quality wool balls 
in my landlord’s dryer are for me to use but how do i remove all the pieces of me 
they attract each time, back to the dream -- what was it saying yes
i had asked you to tell me if you cared and you did,
lately i am a little more satisfied by what i’ve made, it's abrupt,  
slip feet into brown slippers, remembering i got them because
this would feel good to do and here i am doing it,
the things that would feel good 
and do?